One of my great friends, Everett, told me that everyday we come out in another way. Of course you can choose to not come out, to stay cloaked and hidden, but you are the only one who suffers because you are the only one who will not see ~ as no one else is looking! :-) seriously ~ that is one of the great secrets of the world ~ no one else is looking. However overcoming that illusion is known as Self-Discovery.
In 1982 I left social activism and political embroilment for full-time, full-throttle spiritual practice. I took it very seriously, as is my way. Reading, practice, study consumed my life. There was a time, too long of a time it seemed, that I thought public spiritual practice and teaching would be my path. I wrote a book, 
Matri, Letters from the Mother ,in 1996, believing it was going to be my calling card to the world of teaching self-discovery through devotion to the Divine Mother. I love that little book and I do believe it was divinely inspired. I did not get any lasting traction with that book. Three women, in Denver, Vermont and Connecticut have ordered it by the dozens, but other than that - it is just a little "sweet cake," known as prasad in India. I think of it often and when asked the better questions, they are answered in Matri.
In March,2006 I asked the Mother for something, as is my way; Explicit service to the Divine Mother in working to advance American women. I asked for just one little nod from the universe every day that this was a proper request and in balance with my destiny. I suppose the expression, DUCK AND COVER, would be appropriate: an email, nine emails, a booking for a talk, book orders, eventually travel and finally an election. It was an avalanche. I guess it was the right request.
One habit that has continued through all of my phases is going to movies on Friday. It is my two hour, weekly vacation. Yesterday I saw The Darjeeling Limited. I knew going in that it was about three brothers taking a train through India - and what's to say about Adrien Brody and Owen Wilson and Jason Schwartzman? - hey, need a weird old aunt? I am available.
The scene in India opens with a business man running to catch the train. There he was, one of the most influential people in my life ~ Larry Darrell. He was standing on the tracks, missing the train in fact. I have no idea if anyone else thinks so - but I KNOW SO. It was Larry Darrell from Lake Forest,Illinois. 
I was very young when I first read his story, The Razor's Edge, by Somerset Maugham. I fell in love with Larry and wanted to be his beloved fiance, Isabel. In Paris, he asked her to marry him, travel, read, dance, and live on his stipend of $3,000 a year, a king's ransom at the time. She said no; not enough money, not enough prestige, not enough advancement, simply not enough for that girl from Lake Forest, Illinois. I would have said yes.
Then one day (on the redundant road to Damascus) it occurred to me that I did not want to be Isabel at all. I wanted to be Larry. I wanted to live in Paris on 3K a year, read, dance, eat cheese & bread, and go to India. I had Larry's curiosity, his intensity, his longing. I was nothing like Isabel. You would be right to think it was another marker on the road to becoming an activist for gender equality.
And so in some odd way, I became Larry Darrell, from Lake Forest, Illinois. I got to spend all those years in practice and study. He went to India and met his teacher, some think it was Ramana Maharshi. I met Rama and spent 11 years as his student, chronicled in The Passionate Heart. 
After leaving, I spent years reading spiritual books, watching spiritual movies, meditating and then, like Larry after circumnabulating Arunachala, I left the hermitage of my little private life. Larry went on to be a cab driver, as last reported, and I found my destiny in the American Women's Movement.
Upon departure from India, Larry asked his Guru if it is easier to be a holy man on the top of a mountain. Larry's teacher told him to be cautious that the path to Enlightenment is like a Razor's Edge. Maybe I should drive a cab, as today the American Women's Movement makes a razor's edge look shiny and wide.
Hello, Zoe--- Discovered this site--- by accident". Have been a Larry Darrell & Razor's Edge fan--- nearly all of my life (i'm 72, now). In fact--- i've always felt like--- i'm the reincarnation of Larry--- in every respect". Know the story, by heart". Feel a connection, with this character--- that is indescribable. Have all the movie-tapes; and most editions, of the original book. Have recently participated in a few, of the Razor's Edge internet-blogs.
It's been my long-term dream, to visit (perhaps, even to live, there) in northern India--- and Ladakh, in particular--- where some of Bill Murray's movie-scenes--- were shot". I especially envy your association with Ramana Maharshi--- and, experiences there. I wish you much good-luck"--- with your endeavors". Sincerely, Charles*
Posted by: Charles | December 17, 2007 at 07:09 PM