I had no plans to talk about Proposition 8. I figured it was so obvious there would be no need. Ellen got married. Sulu got married. Seriously how controversial could this be? People live and work with us queers all the time, in every place. Rachel Maddow, Rosie O’Donnell, Neil Patrick Harris, Anderson Cooper. Play tennis, watch the news, read a book. It isn’t even odd anymore. It is an integrated part of life whether you know it or not.
Of course we want to be able to marry. It is the model of American families. Sure two parents are good. Two paychecks are good. Helping one another in old age ~ it is better in pairs (believe me – I know – I am alone). Walking my dogs I see "Yes on 8" signs all over my neighborhood. I whisper to the poodles, “What’s it to them?”
The neighbors are nice to me, wave, let their dogs greet mine, treat me just like any other old lady walking down the block. I figure they got the signs at their Catholic parish. I have a degree in Catholic Theology, what is the problem? Catholics are free to practice their faith whether gays marry or not. This is not about the sacrament of marriage. I have to believe they have no idea what this is about, so I am going to try and explain a point that may not be obvious.
In 1996 I sat in a hospital surgery waiting room with my ex-girl friend, Maria. Fourteen years before, Maria left me for Laura Nyro. Over time, the three of us became as close as sisters could be, though they were as married as any couple you could know. On that day, Laura was in surgery being treated for stage four ovarian cancer.
Maria was not her sister. Maria was not her daughter or mother. Maria was a “friend.” They had been together for fourteen years, raised a son, kept a home, shared their finances. But, of course, they were not married ~ so we sat with no next of kin next to Maria’s name on the list. More times than I can recall, over the next two years, we sat in waiting rooms, while Laura was receiving treatment. And all we could do was wait for Laura herself to tell the clinic people that they could let Maria sit next to her, hold her hand, carry her bag.
I hope you will send this email to your family and friends who do not understand why the movement to vote "Yes on 8" is simply not reasonable, not truthful, not honorable. What is honorable is the validation and legalization of committed paired relationships. Those of you who are happily married to someone of the opposite sex, I want to ask you how would you feel if you were stopped at the door of the ER, to be told you have no right to accompany the person in distress whom you love. You can not make inquiries. You can not hold their belongings and, certainly, not their hand.
Whatever outrage and, most importantly, invalidation you might imagine is the daily experience when the person loved is the same sex. There is no difference in marriage-type love . Maybe that is the best kept secret about being gay; we like, we love, we form families with heart ~ just like you. There is nothing to fear, to reject or hide from.
So here is what we have in common; we believe in pairing, in caring, in marrying. We think it is good for kids, good for parents, good all around. VOTE NO ON 8. It is a vote for families.




