What then must we do?

I sit, close my eyes and try to count my breathing.  I am conducting the same wave of fear and uncertainty that is washing through the neighborhood, the city, the county.  The fact that I am fine does not make me immune.  I sit on the couch, watching American Idol, speeding through the commercials with dog asleep on the left and cat asleep on my lap; I am fine. 

Despite the steady stream of my life, I feel the earth tremble just enough to make steps tentative.  Sleep is not business as usual, instead it is dreams of loss and limitation.  It makes me wonder how it must be for a family on their last paycheck, their trip to the market with the last cash in hand.  This is what is happening for families across the country, my country.

It makes me wonder what is happening in war torn places, where doors are kicked in and the sound of gunfire is common.  Or where there is no water or crops.  Where the losses cannot be counted on a calculator.  How can they sleep?  The fact is I have no idea.  I am thirsty and, while checking the dog bowl too, I turn the faucet handle releasing the abundance of my life. 

What can I do?  That is my unraveling thread.  Distractions are losing their strength.  I don’t care about the Bachelor, Limbaugh, Jindal.  All of the reasons I got on the Obama bandwagon have been shelved way behind AIG, Northern Trust and GM.  The Portuguese Water dog is not enough.  What will it take?   No on 8, Yes to Milk Day, repeal DOMA, ERA, 50/50 by 2020, end war, (oh yeah – what is this holocaust they are planning for Afghanistan).  It is Women’s History Month and where is Hillary?  What terrible calamity is demanding all of her attention.  I miss my dailies on Hillary – her tweet is not enough. 

I feel like I want to apologize.  Or do I want an apology.  I just don’t know.

Comments

[Lani]

You are not alone. As I meditate in my living room surrounded by material things (our new flat screen TV, my laptop, Peluche's dozens of dog toys...) I feel overwhelmed. I feel blessed to have a stable job. I feel upset, helpless and heartbroken for those who don't. I want to give everyone a big hug.

Happy International Women's Day, my sister, my friend. I am constantly thinking of you and am SO thankful for your energy to write...to express your feminism...to share your beautiful voice. Your words sustain me.