OnLine With Zoe

Out Love, not Out Rage

I saw Outrage on Friday.  Besides being supportive, I was curious.  I am always looking for agreement, camaraderie, unity.  I found the movie’s premise lost under the weight of the title.  Even watching the movie makers on the View that morning, it wasn’t readily obvious that author and blogger, Michael  Rogers was objecting to closeted people voting against their very people they have relationships with.  Closeted gay men in politics are voting against HIV/AIDS funding, against gay marriage, against making crimes against LGBT people a hate crime.  It is the chasm between their sexual orientation and their visible, measurable, callous voting record.  Frankly, for me, it begs the question, would they be less stalwart if they were straight.
 
The characters in the movie, opening with Larry Craig, were all recognizable.  Those of us who read gay news are aware of these men and their voting records.  I have to admit, I have zero idea what this looks like to straight people.  Heck, I got emails this week asking me if Adam Lambert is gay – straights see things very differently than I do.  Governor McGreevey was bright, radiant – no really – like someone who just discovered deep spiritual relief.  Governor Crist was slimy and resistant; what is the opposite of present? 

A paragraph  on women ~ Elizabeth Birch of the Human Right Campaign was terrific, moving and honest.  Rep. Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin was open and relaxed.  Oh but the wives, the terrified wives, standing next to the pathetic closeted husbands at counterfeit press conferences; Mrs. Craig, Mrs. McGreevey, Mrs. Crist.  Actually there are thousands of straight spouses who are trapped infraudulent lives,  holding their families together.  How the gay spouse can do this is really beyond me.  I kissed a girl, I liked it and I came out; all within about 5 seconds.   And it is no secret that there are many, many lesbians and bi women in politics ( no I have not slept with all of them) but I can tell you that I have never seen them vote against LGBT rights or human rights for that matter.
 
But what really bothered me, deeply bothered me, was one clip of Larry Kramer, beloved founder of Act-Up.  Certainly this brave hero of the LGBT movement said dozens of quote-ables during the taping but what they chose to show was Mr. Kramer saying that activism comes from rage, from anger.  For me it was like hearing nails on a chalkboard.  I have spent over 40 years working to deepen my understanding and practice that successful, lasting activism comes from love.  You cannot convert the opponent by burning his car, breaking her windows, clubbing their kids.  Fear will never create conversion.  (aren’t we having a national conversation about torture on this right now?)

However, more importantly, the oppressed will become poisoned by the violence.  The minority has to find love in their heart and become irresistible.  That is the only way to create a healthy movement, a true lasting conversion and extinguish fear.  I was fortunate to spend some time with Jeremy Gilley, the British filmmaker who is creating International Peace Day, through his film-making of Peace One Day and The Day After Peace.  I told him that I am not as worried about those who die by gunshot as I am about those who pull the trigger as they live on with their hearts broken.  Violence is intoxicating, contagious and another disease – like homophobia.
  
Tuesday, May 26 is California’s Day Of Decision.  On Facebook, the White Night Riots video has been viraling around.  I want to tell people that clearly those 1979 riots did not work or we would not be rising up for our rights in 2009.  Releasing of violence may be billed as good for you but it isn’t.  It is not some limited energy that must be spent.  It is a viral, burgeoning disease that only attracts itself.   If you are angry, you deserve to be loved.  If you are homophobic, you need to love and be loved.  No matter what happens on Tuesday, extinguishing  anger with love is the only way that will last.  

Tolerance is not Enough

Tomorrow there will be tables of people, eating together and priding themselves that they are tolerating others all afternoon.  Sitting cross-legged, folded arms and editing nouns for several hours so as not to incite anything.  Tight lipped, hiding (hidden) from controversy, protecting relationships or beliefs, with a promise to the host that, “nothing bad will happen to ruin the big day.”

Toleration offered, as the ultimate gift, from a position of distance or refraining from offence does not breathe.  What could possibly happen if crossed limbs unraveled and questions, from genuine curiosity, were submitted without guile.  

• Why do you wear a headscarf?
• What is the difference between being an Arab and being Muslim?
• Why do some people think their race is better than another?
• Why would you want to be able to marry?
• Do you think children with same sex parents will be ok?
• Will you marry now that you have kids?

Like a three year old White kid who asks their first Black playmate if the “color rubs off?”  when questions are asked with the intention of wanting to know ~ what occurs is the opposite of harm ~ closeness becomes possible.  Inquiry, from non-judgment, is the bridge to somewhere. 

November 24 the YWCA released a report that Gen Y wants this new President, administration and re-boot of American society to address discrimination due to race and religion.  I would tell these surveyed young women that equality in the US begins with the Constitution.  The ERA, pay equity and including everyone in the Constitution is the fundamental and lasting place to start.  (I believe they did not list it because they do not know they are not included.)

And I want to tell them that I agree whole-heartedly that religion must be addressed.  It is what currently separates us and informs all of the big “family values” issues.  A few years ago my mentor, who was one of the founders of NOW, told me that originally NOW had a religion committee and chair.  She contacted the president of NOW and told her about me.  She was told that NOW will never have a religion committee ever again.  I think they consider it divisive but, in reality, it is religion that builds walls and, in doing so, righteous believers have both the capability and the responsibility to disassemble them.  The desire to understand is the most powerful wrecking ball. 

Ah, back to the Thanksgiving table.  Tolerance is not enough.  It is postponing the judgment and offering insincerity.  Those who built the walls are the ones to begin the demolition.  The effective tool is guileless inquiry.  Those who are walled out, walled in, who are holding their tongue and hiding their lives will melt in relief and reach back in gratitude.  Lets all agree with His Holiness the Dalai Lama who says, “Kindness is my religion.” 

Sweet Vacation with Seeds of Peace

Peace, Pocketbooks and Change

What Price Peace

I think that many people believe that peace is too expensive.  Some people think that killing leads to peace.  Some people think that might makes right.  No one I know, no one I work with, no one I share dinner with does but, clearly, some must think this as the citizens in our democracy keep electing people who do believe that the path does not have to contain any hint of the destination.  They don’t even think that the route to their spoken destination has to demonstrate their spoken fundamental goal.  They obviously believe that you can kill on the road to peace. 

I want to ask how could this be and, yet, the question is taking me to a terrible answer; more correctly, many terrible answers.  They are afraid.  They have taken revenge back from the lord.  They have built a statue and made a movie of Gandhi and thrown away his teaching that, “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.”  They have become glib about politics.  They have decided to not participate in the election process.  They have stepped out of the fray, as corporations rule the world and there is nothing one can do.  CRAP, IT ALMOST MAKES ME SORRY I ASKED. 

My code of ethics requires that I ask.  I wish they would ask.  ASK ME!  ASK ME!

International Peace Day