OnLine With Zoe

Out Love, not Out Rage

I saw Outrage on Friday.  Besides being supportive, I was curious.  I am always looking for agreement, camaraderie, unity.  I found the movie’s premise lost under the weight of the title.  Even watching the movie makers on the View that morning, it wasn’t readily obvious that author and blogger, Michael  Rogers was objecting to closeted people voting against their very people they have relationships with.  Closeted gay men in politics are voting against HIV/AIDS funding, against gay marriage, against making crimes against LGBT people a hate crime.  It is the chasm between their sexual orientation and their visible, measurable, callous voting record.  Frankly, for me, it begs the question, would they be less stalwart if they were straight.
 
The characters in the movie, opening with Larry Craig, were all recognizable.  Those of us who read gay news are aware of these men and their voting records.  I have to admit, I have zero idea what this looks like to straight people.  Heck, I got emails this week asking me if Adam Lambert is gay – straights see things very differently than I do.  Governor McGreevey was bright, radiant – no really – like someone who just discovered deep spiritual relief.  Governor Crist was slimy and resistant; what is the opposite of present? 

A paragraph  on women ~ Elizabeth Birch of the Human Right Campaign was terrific, moving and honest.  Rep. Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin was open and relaxed.  Oh but the wives, the terrified wives, standing next to the pathetic closeted husbands at counterfeit press conferences; Mrs. Craig, Mrs. McGreevey, Mrs. Crist.  Actually there are thousands of straight spouses who are trapped infraudulent lives,  holding their families together.  How the gay spouse can do this is really beyond me.  I kissed a girl, I liked it and I came out; all within about 5 seconds.   And it is no secret that there are many, many lesbians and bi women in politics ( no I have not slept with all of them) but I can tell you that I have never seen them vote against LGBT rights or human rights for that matter.
 
But what really bothered me, deeply bothered me, was one clip of Larry Kramer, beloved founder of Act-Up.  Certainly this brave hero of the LGBT movement said dozens of quote-ables during the taping but what they chose to show was Mr. Kramer saying that activism comes from rage, from anger.  For me it was like hearing nails on a chalkboard.  I have spent over 40 years working to deepen my understanding and practice that successful, lasting activism comes from love.  You cannot convert the opponent by burning his car, breaking her windows, clubbing their kids.  Fear will never create conversion.  (aren’t we having a national conversation about torture on this right now?)

However, more importantly, the oppressed will become poisoned by the violence.  The minority has to find love in their heart and become irresistible.  That is the only way to create a healthy movement, a true lasting conversion and extinguish fear.  I was fortunate to spend some time with Jeremy Gilley, the British filmmaker who is creating International Peace Day, through his film-making of Peace One Day and The Day After Peace.  I told him that I am not as worried about those who die by gunshot as I am about those who pull the trigger as they live on with their hearts broken.  Violence is intoxicating, contagious and another disease – like homophobia.
  
Tuesday, May 26 is California’s Day Of Decision.  On Facebook, the White Night Riots video has been viraling around.  I want to tell people that clearly those 1979 riots did not work or we would not be rising up for our rights in 2009.  Releasing of violence may be billed as good for you but it isn’t.  It is not some limited energy that must be spent.  It is a viral, burgeoning disease that only attracts itself.   If you are angry, you deserve to be loved.  If you are homophobic, you need to love and be loved.  No matter what happens on Tuesday, extinguishing  anger with love is the only way that will last.  

Well, You Asked What I Think About the ERA Movement.

I got an email today from a friend who lives in an eastern state.  She had read Frank Riches' op-ed piece, The Bigots' Last Hurrah and asked what the ERA Movement could learn from the Marriage Equality burgeoning success.  Here is my answer ~

I am spending most of my activist time these days on marriage equality – as it has reached the tipping point and cannot be stopped – the lever has been sprung in all of the Western world.  Backlash is ugly but they are desperate.

You may find it interesting that on April 4 I gave an ERA presentation at an Equality organization to celebrate ( a bit late) women’s history month.  I expanded my talk to include the movie, Milk and its drastic exclusion of Milk’s work with women which, in fact, was extensive.  Several men walked out – they were perturbed that the monthly meeting was being wasted on a “women’s issue.”  Of course they were the minority but LGBTQQAI are on the march, on the run, seeing their life-long issue reaching the fulcrum.  I don’t think they were anti-me or anything but, rather, anti-letting the traction slip.  (No, I am not naïve on this – I know men rarely take on issues perceived and labeled as women’s issues.)

I am 60 years old and with a MA in religion, went to professional computer school in 1985.  I mention that to illustrate that I have a foot in each of the waves.  My white hair gives away that I worked in the Second Wave (1963-1875) and my knowledge of electronic social networking, viral marketing and the E-Highway lets me travel freely in the Third Wave. 

Yes, the gay movement has busted through the backlash majority.  I caution you to know that many high school kids are still being harassed and commit suicide.  But all the Mormons cannot get the anti-gay movement back on track.  Four states, many countries, and, what cannot be denied, the next generation thinks the whole issue is ridiculous.  Teenagers tell their parents that once they die – it will all be moot.

So look closely at that perfect collection of facts and see exactly what the ERA movement does not have.
1) National attention.
2) The pro-states coalescing and casting a shadow on their lagging neighbors.
3) The new generation thinks it is simple justice.
4) Total use of the E-Highway (texting, facebook, youtube, twitter, ning, etc.)  as utilized by Obama’s campaign.
5) Undeniable visibility.

I am happy for the African American community and the great advances that an African American President means.  I am happy for the Queer community as they deserve full Marriage Equality.  These two real successes show us that the majority can come together, become involved and advance social justice.  They did not do it legislator by legislator.  They did it by making the cause attractive, available and obvious to the common, simple hard-working American.

The benefits of the ERA are obvious but not part of the national conversation.  I do not understand why 35 states and the clear majority of Americans should not be rallied but, rather, leave it to the 15 non-ratified states to be lobbied, yet again.  To me, it would be like the Queer movement trying to get Utah on board – what an ineffective and exhausting  effort.

I hear that the ERA is not sexy, it not exciting.  That is so not true.  NOT TRUE.  Just tell college women that they have to pay off their loans, credit debt and mortgages while making 78 cents on the dollar.  Tell them that insurance pays for viagra and not for the pill.  Just tell them that they are still considered 3/4s of a citizen.  Actually all you have to do is tell them it did not pass.

Obama Whiplash Got Me Down

I can’t be the only person on the left who is experiencing whiplash in my relationship with President Obama.  It isn’t love/hate.  It is more relief/caution.  When I voice this, people tell me to consider the alternative.  They mean McCain.  I mean SOS Clinton.  I was privileged to see Obama at the Costa Mesa Town Hall a few weeks ago.  He was clearly met with a crowd who believe he is their rock star.  I haven’t seen that kind of crowd since Ground Control talked to Major Tom at the Palladium.  But a president is not Bowie ~ it is not time for pedestals or rarefied air.  It will serve no one. 

My remedy has been to assign meaning to Obama’s leadership practice, a la Margaret Wheatley or Juanita Brown.  He calls on everyone in the room, listens to all opinions, takes the pulse of the group; demonstrating the principle that “all of us knows more than one of us.”  However as the weeks pour by I am increasingly concerned that the group in the room is not a wide enough net for a consensus that includes women and girls, lesbians and gays, progressives and, for the most part, a lot of people who put him in office.  If you practice the principles of organic leadership, but not invite all sides with an eye on balance, you will not find out what “all of us” know.  (frankly it appears to me that there is more outreach to the right and they exercised the right to decline.)  Starting with the most obvious ~ what room are the pacifists speaking?  Or even a legislated Department of  Peace?  Escalating the war in Afghanistan was not on my TO DO list and eliminating the word war does not make the blood less red. 

Women on the left are aware that the Global Gaga Order has been rescinded, Ledbetter Act has been signed, Ok, Ok.  Today we are waiting to see how far the Bush midnight HHS Conscience Rule will reach into our lives as it went live at midnight last night.  But the commission that was finalized this last week may be a significant indication of what is a foot, the source of wicked whiplash and did you notice?  (not your fault as media has not said anything about it.)

This quote by Frances Kissling alerted me to another very disturbing room full of appointees informing our president, "The 10 remaining picks did little to rectify the anti-reform, anti-woman, anti-gay tilt of Obama’s Faith-Based Advisory Council. Not to mention the conspicuous absence of a single academic theologian."

W. Bush installed the Faith Based Advisory Board.  Before I voted, I assumed that Obama would close it.  The fact is he expanded it.  He appointed 25 people to address four priorities: economic recovery, reducing abortions, encouraging responsible fatherhood and improving interfaith relations.  This sounds very important in the hall of social justice, gender liberty and family support.  

Here is just some of the information I have been able to cobble together about the 25 members:

• 19 represent religious organizations (none involved in reform, all belong to religions that are conservative on choice, women and family.  PLEASE note this means conservative male clergy advising on women and reproduction)
• 6 representative non-religious, community based organizations.
• One Hindu (woman)
• Two Muslims (1 woman)
• 2  religious men are known supporters of women’s rights; Rabbi David Saperstein and Reverend Harry Knox

We submitted many names of religious and community leaders who would balance out the over-representation of male evangelicals that dominated the first religious appointments. We were largely ignored. The final list makes clear that other groups lobbied as well. The Catholic bishops got a seat at the table. Orthodox Judaism, the National Council of Churches.           Frances Kissling

Here is a bit of information about the women who are going take on this council of mostly conservative men and will have to manage a significant imbalance.

• Nancy Ratzen President of National Council of Jewish Women, advocate of women’s rights and reproductive choice
• Reverend Sharon Watkins the first woman president of the Disciples of Christ
• Bishop Vashti MacKenzie, African Methodist Episcopal Church which opposed to abortion rights.
• Anju Bhargava, founder of Asian Indian Women of America.  Hindu priest
• Reverend.Peg Chemberlin, president-elect of the National Council of Churches USA.
• Dalia Mogahed, Executive Director, Gallup Center for Muslim Studies Washington, DC
• Melissa Rogers, Director, Wake Forest School of Divinity Center for Religion and Public Affairs Winston-Salem, NC
• Diane Baillargeon, President & CEO, Seedco New York, NY

For more information about the members – see this piece by Frances Kissling.  The majority are described as anti-gay, anti-abortion, pro-family, pro-life, etc. 

If you are asking – what the hell does she want?  First I wanted the whole office shut.  That would be a great sign of the separation of church and state.  Second choice is a group of diverse people that demonstrates a diversity of opinion; how about an atheist? A Buddhist? 51% women?  People of color?  In particular, a Native American?  Have you seen all the different icons that Vets have on their graves? 

I want a room, that when canvassed, represents the CHANGE WE (even me) HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR.

My Email Today

From: zoe@onlinewithzoe.com [mailto:zoe@onlinewithzoe.com]
Sent: Wednesday, March 11, 2009 12:11 PM
To: Jenny Boshears
Subject: Pro- ERA

 

Dear Governor Beebe,

It would be so terrific if Arkansas stood up and took the informed responsible position on the ERA.   Please note ~

·         Over 85% of Americans want the ERA

·         ERA has nothing to do with the draft

·         ERA has nothing to do with abortion or marriage

Take a stand on the side of the informed majority and encourage the Arkansas legislature to pass the ERA.

Thank you,

Zoe Nicholson

 

From: Jenny Boshears [mailto:Jenny.Boshears@governor.arkansas.gov]
Sent: Wednesday, March 11, 2009 10:14 AM
To: zoe@onlinewithzoe.com
Subject: RE: Pro- ERA

Thank you for contacting the Office of Governor Mike Beebe.  Because of long-standing policy guidelines, the Governor does not answer mail electronically, but he has seen your message and appreciates your concerns. The Governor has been a long-time supporter of the Equal Rights Amendment and has personally spoken to Senator Glover and others about this important issue.  He joins you in working for its passage and urges you to contact your state senator.

Time for Arkansas to Ratify the ERA

You may already know that Phyllis Schlafly’s organization deluged the Arkansas legislature with their usual ocean of fear and lies about the ERA; turning a deciding committee vote over last weekend.  Now is the time to tell them the truth; that most Americans want the ERA, it is in the national platform and to join the 35 states that have ratified equality for women and men. 

Contact the Governor by email and phone call today.
Email Governor Beebe of Arkansas at
tonya.mercer@governor.arkansas.gov OR jenny.boshears@governor.arkansas.gov
or call 501-682-2345

Let Governor Beebe know that we appreciate his help in asking Senator Glover to vote for the ERA at least in committee or to find someone else to carry the bill.  It would be a proud moment for Arkansas to become the 36th state to ratify the ERA. 

The News is, in fact, There is no News

I have not written anything for a while as I hear readers asking for something new; can I even say stimulating.  The news is that there isn’t news.  I began life on January 20, 10 AM with high expectation of cascading great news for women and girls but in spite of rescinding the global gag order and the signing of the Ledbetter Act, very old news is sustaining its hold on us; as demonstrated by the groundswell of anti-ERA activism afoot in Arkansas and the failure in the State Senate Committee. Funding for Reproductive Health is faltering at both the federal level and many states, including California.

51% of Americans are not proportionately represented in any of our elected and appointed bodies.  Congress is holding at 17%, placing the US as 69th in the world.  With the confirmation of Governor Sebelius as Secretary of Health and Human Services, the Obama Cabinet will have four women; Bush and Clinton had six.  There are NO women on The Stimulus Conference Committee.  There is no news on the Presidential Commission on the Status of Women; only a glut of emails asking me to sign the petition.  Yes, we have seen Michelle Obama on the cover of O; certainly a cataclysmic event but we need, women in leadership. 

It is March, National Women's History Month.  Maybe there will be a poster in the public library and a PSA featuring Eleanor Roosevelt or Rosa Parks but the ceiling is intact, rising out of reach. Eighteen million cracks are magically repairing.  Today, March 8th, is International Women's Day and we have not ratified CEDAW; leaving us in company with Iran and Sudan.  As of March 1, 2007, 185 countries have ratified the Treaty for the Rights of Women; not the US where the only place you can find International Women's Day mentioned on TV is QVC.

I keep hesitating, waiting for some magical thing to happen that demonstrates that this new administration understands that women in leadership, seated at decision tables is good for the world.  People have told me that after 100 days the gloves come off.  But committees, cabinets, houses, offices will be in place in 100 days.  Aren't the decisions being made now ~ the point?  Wait 100 days for an artificial politeness and the gloves come off ~ whose gloves, mine? his? conservatives? progressives?  Heck, who is wearing gloves?

The Equal Rights Amendment in Reach

We have waited a long time for a renewal for the Equal Rights Amendment and it is now – it is today.  AND you can make it happen.  Please email and call these members of the Arkansas legislature and tell them that the US Constitution should include everyone.  This is the time for the nation to rise and demand its passage ~ don’t leave it to the individual 15 states that have been dragging their feet for 26 years.
Make it happen and be proud of yourself for doing it.

Senator Bobby Glover  cnhc@juno.com
Representative Larry Cowling cowlingl@arkleg.state.ar.us
Garry Smith  gpe@cei.net  870-574-1638  (co-sponsor who has asked to be removed)

Zoe Nicholson
Co-Chair of CA NOW ERA
ERA Roundtable
President Pacific Shore NOW

---

From Berta Seitz of ERA Arkansas ~

DEAR ERA Supporter, first thank you for all that you have done. We still need to be vigilant and working for 2 weeks. You have been great but the opposition has geared up and we must outdo them.
ERA Supporters there are two people that we have been focusing on: Senator Bobby Glover at cnhc@juno.com and Representative Larry Cowling at cowlingl@arkleg.state.ar.us. Both are on their respective legislative committee and neither will commit to support. We must have both of them to get it out of committee. Please email each and get as many others as possible to email. We thought it was going before the Senate committee today but had a scheduling problem. It is to go before the Senate Committee on Tuesday morning, March 3 at 10AM and hopefully before the Senate on Wednesday, March 4 and to the House Committee on Friday, March 6, and before the House then the next Monday. March 9, 2009. The opposition showed up at the capitol yesterday and have their email group in full swing. We already have one co-sponsor who has asked to be removed as a sponsor. His name is Garry Smith at gpe@cei.net. He lives in Camden. His phone number is870-574-1638. Just to keep those who have signed on committed we need to again email all of the committee members. I am attaching their names and emails.
Please get out emails to these three and all of the committee members!
Secondly, we really need a big group of supporters next Tuesday when it goes to committee. The question is, "How badly do we women want be become first class citizens included in our own constitution with equal legal rights and protections?" Please ask for a day of vacation, load your car with friends and come to the capitol. It would be good to be there by 9:30. We are going to wear red. If you do not have anything red, come in any color. I have stickers for you. Folks this is a rare opportunity that we have. Let's take advantage of it. PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE, CONTACT ALL COMMITTEE MEMBERS, GARRY SMITH AND AS MANY OTHERS AS YOUR CAN! PLEASE COME NEXT TUESDAY!
Berta Seitz
ERA Arkansas Coalition Coordinator

Answer the Door ~ The New Repair Man is Here

Hey everybody, the new repair man is here.  Bring your best tools, roll up your sleeves, put on your thinking caps.  Hurry up and get in here, sit down, take out your lists.  This new handyman is smart.  He has a plan.  He has skills.  He has collected a support team and he is here to help us reach our goals. 

Mr. Obama, here is my family.  Each of us has done what we can to summon open hearts, empower able hands and invoke our best wishes.

The Catholic has been to Mass and said her prayers.  The Jewish child has lit a candle with noble intentions.  The Mormon boy has prayed for your success.  The Muslim has asked Allah to bless this new beginning.  The Native American has danced and drummed for your peaceful journey.  The Christian has called on Jesus to walk beside you.  The atheist and agnostic are dedicated to your hopeful vision.  The Buddhist has hung prayer flags and chanted while holding you in their hearts.  Each of us, in a private moment and in a public way, has offered you our very best.  
 
You look around my table, my thanks-giving table, and you may wonder why there is so little family resemblance.  We are very diverse; not by design, it just happened that way.  Some of them are biologically mine, some have immigrated and some are adopted; though I have long since forgotten which is which.  We are gay and straight.  We are married and single.  We all are able and we all are challenged.  We speak different languages and hold one thing in common, we all want to be happy.  We all want to be well and safe and free. 

Actually, if you ask us individually, there is no exception; we all want the same thing.  Where we stray, from time to time, is that we forget that our wellbeing is dependent on one another’s wellbeing.  We forget that we can only be as happy as we offer happiness to one another.  We forget that we are, in truth,  one another’s neighbor.

So please, Mr. Obama, take the chair at the head of the table.  We are so relieved that you are here.  We offer all our talent, all our tools, all our sacrifices, our hope for the future.  We shall do this together, starting now. 

Actually, I Fear You Ms. Etheridge.

Possibly you read Melissa’s Etheridge’s 2008 Christmas greeting to the gay community.  It is widely published on the web, on Huffpo in particular.  She met Rick Warren and she is moved by him and has asked gay people to do charity work to for HIV/AIDS (though I would suggest to work against HIV/AIDS) instead of protesting this coming week.  Her message is disturbing on so many levels that I can’t help but respond. 

Melissa Etheridge message includes ~ Maybe in our anger, as we consider marches and boycotts, perhaps we can consider stretching out our hands. Maybe instead of marching on his church, we can show up en mass and volunteer for one of the many organizations affiliated with his church that work for HIV/AIDS causes all around the world.   Maybe if they get to know us, they wont fear us. 

The mere assumption that we would be marching out of anger is just over the top.  Effective people march out of love.  Forgive me for pointing to the obvious; King, Gandhi, Chavez and, very likely, YOU.  We march out of love.  We march, keep vigil, fast.  We know that doing so out of love is the only way to make any inroads.  And is she "showing up?"  Her message says she, and her family, will be attending the inauguration.  Her wife and kids will be in D.C. 

Secondly, I had expected more from Ms. Etheridge until I saw her on Oprah,  Melissa’s partner is not a supporter of Marriage Equality.  How odd it was to see Melissa trying to interrupt her and cover. We all know this is a family that can afford an attorney to draw up papers for inheritance, estate planning, adoption.  My guess is that any ER or maternity ward would not deny either partner access in THIS FAMILY. 

The final thing, which hurts even more, is that Melissa is not taking into her heart all of the groups Pastor Warren speaks against.  We are more than gay.  We are human beings.  We are citizens of the world.
Rick Warren ~

• holds women in second class positions in marriage

• teaches that even abuse is no reason to divorce

• women who have had abortions are Nazis and their wombs are Auschwitz

I want to stand in front of M.E. and say, “I am a bi-sexual woman who is divorced and has had two abortions, exactly which parts of me should be ok with Pastor Rick?”  We are complex human beings and the march of love is inclusive.  We do not seek to dissect ourselves but honor all segments of who we are, our society and our world.  I am more than gay – I am a woman, who believes no one is free until all of us are free.  I will miss Melissa’s music lifting my heart. 

1st to Criticize and 1st to Praise

I have to celebrate when good news comes through CNN.  I believe that what you focus on expands so you can bet your bottom dollar I really stretch good news as far as it will go.  Today it has been reported that the Obama Team has invited Reverend Gene Robinson, openly gay bishop, to deliver a prayer at an inauguration event on Sunday and Reverend Sharon Watkins, general minister and president of the Disciples of Christ to give the invocation at the National Cathedral on Wednesday.  

This is good news.  This is very good news, however, if Rick Warren had not been asked to deliver the central invocation, it would not be news at all; it would just be another illustration, in a long list of illustrations, of inclusion in the Obama choices.  So why is it news?  Why is the Warren thing so BIG?  Actually with these two additions of Watkins and Robinson, its easier to see.  The issue is that Warren trades on exclusion, hate-language, judgment and identifying that there is an unacceptable “other.”

Let me use myself as an example of my thinking.  I am a Buddhist and I would never expect a Buddhist to give the invocation as it is a small minority in the US.  I expected a Christian.  The president-elect is Christian.  Most Americans are Christian.  Heck, some of my family and friends are Christian.  But never in a million years would I settle for a Christian speaker to call Buddhists, Nazis.  Never would it be ok for a Christian speaker to call Buddhists pedophiles.  To go even further on this line of thinking, it means they wouldn’t even be much of a Christian if they promoted anti-Buddhist talk and would not let Buddhists in their church. 

Why is this so position controversial?  Why is this even indefensible (Ms. Etheridge)?  It is obvious ~ Warren is all about exclusion, trades on hate, hands out name-calling like a Vegas blackjack dealer, made millions telling people that their lives are not enough.  Does he really represent Christianity to Obama?  JEZZZZUS. 

So don’t ring me up and ask me if the invitations to Revs Robinson and Watkins make this all ok.  This is not the time ~ anymore than thinking that Palin, being a woman, would make me happy when Hillary Clinton was not the presidential nominee. 

If you run for office talking about inclusion, than choosing an inclusionary person to give the central invocation is really an obvious choice.  President-elect Obama, you are so smart – there is no denying it – you get all this.  DO SOMETHING, proportional, as they say.