OnLine With Zoe

The Suffering of Change

Friday I went to hear His Holiness, the Dalai Lama speak and to receive the Amitabha Buddha Initiation.  The Teaching was very complex, as Tibetan Buddhism always is.  There is a form of Buddhism for everyone and if you like complex diagrams, higher math and puzzles, Tibetan Buddhism may be the right one for you.  HHDL talked about the Four Noble Truths, the three turns of the Wheel of Dharma, the eight fold path, the three vehicles of Buddhism, the six transcendent perfections, etc.  After sitting in meditation halls, listening to complex Tibetan teachings for many, many years I know the best thing to do is to let it all pour through me, around me and not bother trying to keep careful score.  It is much more interesting to wait a bit and see what surfaces above the rest.
 
Embedded in the talk was a long section on the three forms of suffering, the second of which is the Suffering of Change.  It is my take-away.  Change is a central linchpin in my life.  Personally, I am not a fan of change.  I feel like I am hanging off a cliff at any given moment, testing the limits of social convention so when I am asked to change, yet again, I really dig in.  But I am persistent asking others to change.  Mostly I ask by just being in their vicinity.  I look like a big old nun (until the tattoo shows and no it is not a pin-up) and then I make sure to use a word or two that ruffles; queer, abortion, atheist, pacifist.  I like watching them adjust, like someone squinting on a bright afternoon exiting a dark movie theater.

I find it is interesting to mess with the lines of social convention ~ touching the border, reaching over the border for a split second.  When I was seven or eight and not allowed in my big brother’s room, I would stand at the line in the carpet, dabbing my big toe on the forbidden side for half a shake of a lamb’s tale, singing, na, na, na, na, na.  And then run for my life back to my room, throwing myself on the bed as if I had shattered a window or robbed a bank.  My brother appeared entirely bored but I was certain he was pretending.
 
Usually when I talk to a group, I gage my language, measure my anecdotes, jab a bit, push a little; test them for tolerance and me for good judgment.   It’s a skill figuring out how much you can ask of people before they can’t hear any more.  And recently it sure seems that a lot of people are freaking out.  Every day there are news stories about people working to stop change; unprecedented numbers of organized protesters outside of over two hundred Planned Parenthood clinics, anti-health care reform demonstrators with anti-etiquette acting out, neo-nazis in Riverside exploding over immigration laws, tea partiers brandishing posters of the president as an African cartoon or dictator icons.  Conservative Americans are flailing at sea.

They are up to their elbows and earlobes in the Suffering of Change.  Society is changing; that is the fact.  As society advances, people want to be paid, be well, be equal.  Today, humanity, in all her variations, is demanding and, occasionally, seizing equality.  The US government is on the brink of joining the rest of the Western world in caring for all citizens, well and sick.  Women are ascending, ever so slowly.  Wages, weather, weapons, vehicles, riches, taxes; change is rising above the surface and cannot be ignored.

Conservatives are drowning in the Suffering of Change and one way or another they are going to find out that the Suffering of Change is relieved by detaching from the familiar or by embracing the unknown.  The worst possible thing to do is try to stop the change; it is a sure fire failure.
 
Watching people work so hard to resist these modern changes is sort of painful.  I do not celebrate that people are frightened by the changes that are unfolding, inevitable, well under way.  I find it truly sad and so upsetting that they are torturing and killing changemakers.  Like my brother sitting at his desk in his room, while his obnoxious little sister taunts him at the threshold, it is best to not run out yelling, throw a few slaps, slam the door; better to endure, feign indifference or, better yet, just realize that this is what kids do as they grow up and become responsible adults.

The Implosion of a Mountain of Bigotry

There is something so palpable afoot in America today.  You can see it in print, feel it in the crowds, hear it on the radio, maybe even watch it at your family dinner table.  Things are changing.  Looking back it seems kind of funny that Barack Obama used the slogan Change You Can Believe In.  The fact of life is that change is always happening and all pain dwells in trying to stop it, control it, ignore it, deny it.
 
But the country is heaving with change these days.  The people who want no change (some even want to go backwards) are so morally, emotionally, spiritually bankrupt that they can only behave like bullies, village idiots, buffoons.  You can find them at town halls, on the Mall, protesting high school performances of Rent, forcing truancy on their kids to avoid hearing a Black man to tell them to work hard in school and to wash their hands.  They are birthers, deathers, yellers, shouters, blusterers; fundamentally they are gasping on fumes of their own exhale.

President Carter said that he believes some of the animosity being thrown at President Obama is happening because some Americans (mostly Southerners) do not believe an African American could be qualified to lead the country.  I think that is a very light touch on the mountain of bigotry that is bubbling underneath an ever thinning veneer.  I believe that this particular group of people cannot follow a Black leader, cannot be led by a Black leader.  And to go a bit deeper on this subject, they cannot reconcile that they made much of this possible through granting full citizenship to Black men, integrating schools, enacting affirmative action.  As I heard a woman on KPFK say, (I am sorry I did not get her name) “Once he got elected, some people were shocked that it happened and their hoods fell off.”  My opinion is that if you don’t see that this is all about racism, you need to do a lot of work on your racism.  To hear Mr. Gibbs say today, at the White House Press conference, that President Obama thinks this has nothing to do with race was so unauthentic, so insincere, so disheartening that I can only shake my head in disgust that it is so bad, Barack Obama cannot address this obvious racial bigotry.  I do understand that it would contribute to its volatility for him to name it; but it is pathetic.

We are in an arm wrestling tournament in regards to health care.  This is only and all about caring for others who did not accrue the ability to care for themselves.  On one hand, this is very, very complicated.  Are they poor?  Are they unable to work?  Are they lazy?  The racists might even think that not caring for the poor is one way to keep people of color from advancing – hoping for a high mortality rate, not just for babies, but for those who have no access to wellness, good food, clean water and clean air.  (and yes, they are really pissed off that one Barack Obama broke out of the hobbled pack)  But on the other hand it could not be easier; we have enough for every man, woman and child to be cared for and to deny that care is immoral.  I believe that only conversation that should be going on in regards to health care is how to take care of everyone ASAP.

Progressives are collecting their spirit, counting breaths, identifying causes, holding the line of sight on Equality.  All of this push back is ugly, scary, should I even say ~ violent but it means people can feel that change is a comin’. 

It will be a Day People Died For

If you read anything I have written, chances are very great that it will be about women.  It usually is some observation about what women need; occasionally it is about what women have accomplished.  Lesbianism found a strong voice in my mind and writing, as women loving women seems to be just an obvious outcome.  And, with a dash of humor, I have to admit men just are not lining up to know more about women with ONE notable exception ~ yes, lesbians are very good at that.

I am compassionate, passionate, empathic, very socially curious and a Black family in the White House is deeply engaging.  The radiant treasure is that there are two young girls who will be using the children’s secret garden and rolling eggs in the Spring.  The next president of the United States is an extraordinary man whose life story is like no other ~ this is no everyman.  My conscience requires me to be enthusiastic about President Obama and his family.

However let us stop and take some inventory about the week of Jan 18 – Jan 25, 2009.  The 19th is Dr Martin Luther King Jr. Day and on that Mall, on August 28th 1963 Dr King dreamt of the day that will be January 20, 2009.  The Mall will finally be that Resurrection City, rising from the miles walked, meals missed, dogs biting, hoses spewing to a Black man taking on the job of Abraham Lincoln at one end – to George Washington at the other.  January 20, 2009 will be a day people died for. 

January 22, there will be millions of Americans demonstrating on both sides of the 1972 court decision of Roe v. Wade.  Pro-choice people will be commemorating the lives of women who bled to death from amateur abortions to doctors who were assassinated for performing safe and legal abortions.  Anti-choice people will be praying, marching and demonstrating on behalf of lives, which they believe are murdered before even breathing air.  Each of these “sides” with full hearts and developed intentions will have their day.

In the midst of all this advancement, networking, demonstrating I am called back to that one issue that drives my life; the unrelenting desire for full equality for men and women under the law, pay equity and equal opportunity.  The presidential cabinet is 5/15 ~ one third is women.  The Senate and House have not made significant strides at all.  The US has slipped to 71st in the world in women in leadership. 

Obama and his economic team are stating that job creation will the center piece for the new economic super-structure.  There is talk of millions of jobs in construction and engineering.   As Linda Hirshman has pointed out in the New York Times, Where are the New Jobs for Women?, women make up 9% of construction workers and 12% of engineers.  Today, on Hardball, she expanded the discussion to include job creation for more women in healthcare, education, libraries and the arts.

But let me go even further, we must also take into account that women must be paid as their lives require.  I am considering that paying women the same as men (instead of the 77 cents for White women and 69 cents for Black and .. and .. and) is not even enough as more and more women are single heads of households.  Many women need paid maternity leave and childcare. 

As we go round and round about who should hold the Senate seat Hillary Clinton is vacating, what of the thousands of women who are out of work, not being considered as a class in the grand scheme of the economic re-structuring?  What happened to the idea that we must seat the first last and the last first?  Women need to work, for wages which meet the needs of their lives.  Women must be fifty one per cent in every sector, working for equal wages and full benefits. 

Tolerance is not Enough

Tomorrow there will be tables of people, eating together and priding themselves that they are tolerating others all afternoon.  Sitting cross-legged, folded arms and editing nouns for several hours so as not to incite anything.  Tight lipped, hiding (hidden) from controversy, protecting relationships or beliefs, with a promise to the host that, “nothing bad will happen to ruin the big day.”

Toleration offered, as the ultimate gift, from a position of distance or refraining from offence does not breathe.  What could possibly happen if crossed limbs unraveled and questions, from genuine curiosity, were submitted without guile.  

• Why do you wear a headscarf?
• What is the difference between being an Arab and being Muslim?
• Why do some people think their race is better than another?
• Why would you want to be able to marry?
• Do you think children with same sex parents will be ok?
• Will you marry now that you have kids?

Like a three year old White kid who asks their first Black playmate if the “color rubs off?”  when questions are asked with the intention of wanting to know ~ what occurs is the opposite of harm ~ closeness becomes possible.  Inquiry, from non-judgment, is the bridge to somewhere. 

November 24 the YWCA released a report that Gen Y wants this new President, administration and re-boot of American society to address discrimination due to race and religion.  I would tell these surveyed young women that equality in the US begins with the Constitution.  The ERA, pay equity and including everyone in the Constitution is the fundamental and lasting place to start.  (I believe they did not list it because they do not know they are not included.)

And I want to tell them that I agree whole-heartedly that religion must be addressed.  It is what currently separates us and informs all of the big “family values” issues.  A few years ago my mentor, who was one of the founders of NOW, told me that originally NOW had a religion committee and chair.  She contacted the president of NOW and told her about me.  She was told that NOW will never have a religion committee ever again.  I think they consider it divisive but, in reality, it is religion that builds walls and, in doing so, righteous believers have both the capability and the responsibility to disassemble them.  The desire to understand is the most powerful wrecking ball. 

Ah, back to the Thanksgiving table.  Tolerance is not enough.  It is postponing the judgment and offering insincerity.  Those who built the walls are the ones to begin the demolition.  The effective tool is guileless inquiry.  Those who are walled out, walled in, who are holding their tongue and hiding their lives will melt in relief and reach back in gratitude.  Lets all agree with His Holiness the Dalai Lama who says, “Kindness is my religion.” 

We are highly complex beings.

January 15 is Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday.  I have been wanting to write something relevant about it and find that, in this firestorm of gender vs. race, almost nothing seems balanced, insightful or even worthy.  Then, tonight, the phone rang.  A woman, I have known for years, called to discuss the campaign.  She wanted to cite several occurrences, twenty-five years old, in which two African American organizations did not endorse certain legislation which would have advanced women.  I said ~ that was twenty-five years ago.  I said ~ that maybe those organizations had changed.  Finally, out of frustration, I blurted out, “why do you want to make an issue out of this?”  “For Hillary, of course,” she said unapologetically.

Where do I even start?  How do I dissect all of that and arrive at anything I can live with.  It is so fundamentally messed up that, when we hung up, all I could do was cry.  I can’t create and sustain loyalties based on race or gender.  I just can’t make such sweeping presumptions.  I can’t vote or campaign for or against someone because it affirms or denies I am a racist.  There are lots of women running for office I would never vote for.  There are lots of African Americans whom I sure don’t want in office – but it is never because of their gender or race or the double bonanza of both Black and female, say no more, Madame Secretary of State. 

Yes, I am a democrat and I am on board with the Hillary Campaign.  I am having a ball watching her campaign “out” every misogynist in the country, particularly in the media.  But I am not jumping on some ugly black-bashing bullshit.  And I deeply resent someone’s lame idea that anyone supporting Hillary would OR that anyone who supports Barack is against women.  What are we ~ a country of simpletons? 

One really odd thing that has occurred to me is ~ why is it that being called racist is utterly wicked and being called sexist is just mildly rude, maybe even comical.  Neither of them is okay.  Neither the label or the behavior is okay.  Here is all I can honestly come to – I am a really nit-picky person who is highly judgmental and I would rather be alone than be with people I don’t like - but on my list of requirements for my friends, my neighbors, my leaders is neither gender or race.  So if you are tall and we hug, don’t presume I hate short people.  If I like green, don’t presume I hate blue.  If I like Hillary, don’t fucking presume I don’t like Barack.  I can handle it. 

Finishing up on 58

I am just putting the finishing touches on 58.  I have 38 days left and then that slippery slope known as 59 will be the rule of the day.  Maybe that is why I seem to be hearing so much, all too much, about age lately.  Although it may be floating around a bit more this year ~ as most of my day is spent with people around half my age. 

Lets start with the youtube deal.  Yes, I have been watching CNN and having a ball watching my blooper aired in the segment, "Weird Questions."  The reporter narrates that some people forgot their question midstream ~ the fact is I lurched on whether or not I should refer to John Edwards as "Senator."  That's okay.  In fact the implication that I am old may be a leg up in the youtube thing, as CNN tells us every 20 minutes that the youtube debate is the "Young Person's Debate."  Now what is that about?  You page through the entries - it is people of all ages - and a few cats and dogs. 

Last Tuesday I went to a fantastic event, the first Ladies Party, given by Object.  They were celebrating Jessica Valenti's new book, Full Frontal Feminism, with music by Michelle Featherstone and Jonneine Zapata.  In the course of the evening, while talking with a few women in their mid twenties, I told them that a dream of mine is to travel with a panel, Bridging the Waves, with women who worked in the Second Wave and women who know only the Third Wave as I believe in what Deborah Siegal states in Sisterhood Interrupted, "... instead of making tidal waves together, we splash about in separate pools."  Imagine if we truly did unite.  But then one women in the circle said, "Yes, Zoe, we need women your age to teach us history."      

A few weeks ago while on the phone, in the midst of a discussion about the work of my significantly younger CANOW board members, I was told that I am a national treasure.  Why is it that I feel as though I am being told to get in my place?  And what drives me most crazy about it is that it happens right smack dab in the middle of participating in the current American Women's Movement.  I am not talking about the past.  I am not asking for a pass based on some past accomplishment.  AND I am not put off by the language, culture, fashion of today ~ I spend a lot of time defending it.

One of the better conversations on age I had recently was with a woman who is 24.  She was asking me about leadership, diversity and the American Women's Movement.  We talked about women in their 60's and 70's who don't want to be marginalized, trivialized or discarded.  She asked me directly what she could do.  It is simple really - invite us in.  Invite us into the Third Wave.  Invite us to march with you, to protest with you, to demonstrate WITH YOU.  No dais, no podium, no rarefied air, no special treatment, just make a bit of room.  No need to talk about the past.  Share the present.

Here's the truth of the matter ~ we originally and currently march for equality ~ let us march as equals.  It is what binds us.  It is what defines us as feminists.  Oh please don't even hint that I must now take on ageism.  Oh hell, not something else now.  Get me out of this bell jar - let me breathe and be a part of today's women's movement.  There is plenty to do.  Yes, you may have to slow down or even push my chair one day - but my heart is on fire for equality - age will not extinguish that.  And most of all, don't make age another obstacle to equality.  Equality will then be the National Treasure.

Disturbing the Peace

Feminism must be on the cutting edge of real social change if it is to survive as a movement in any particular country.         Audre Lorde, A Burst of Light

Most often when I speak publicly, I am billed as an activist.  On those occasions, I open telling every one that I am on a mission to find the activist in the room.  "One of you is a dormant activist and you have been waiting for me to set you on fire, encourage you to begin this exciting life, to embrace this most wonderful vocation."  All they need to step off the curb of social safety is another activist.  In the 37 years I have been meeting with people under twenty, there is always a percolating activist in the room.  Many of them I am still in touch with. 

I AM JUST A LITTLE DISTURBANCE is on a button I sometimes wear.  That is all it takes to activate ~ just a little disturbance.  Picture a wet Golden Retriever running into the Thanksgiving dinner party and shaking off the excess water ~ now that's an activist!  Guests jump from their seats, they dash out of the room and their conversation is forever changed. 

A political activist, a feminist activist, a social activist has a very serious duty before disturbing the peace.  There is a deep responsibility to understand the current circumstances, estimate the effect of disturbing those circumstances and commit to supporting the chaos that will naturally unfurl.  Certainly the chaos will reorganize into a new model but that must be the honored outcome and not abandoned.  A responsible activist works to create a deep understanding, a highly developed conscience and a strong center. 

Funny that many true activists have no idea that they are performing a genuine function in society rather than just being a pain in the ass, as their mom or teachers often called them.  No matter what, they are always out there, always moving society along ~ nudging just a bit, asking for a little more leeway, refusing to move, standing strong.

My Little Book of Activist Ethics

To step in, not step around. 

To empower, not control.

To advance, not break.