Tomorrow there will be tables of people, eating together and priding themselves that they are tolerating others all afternoon. Sitting cross-legged, folded arms and editing nouns for several hours so as not to incite anything. Tight lipped, hiding (hidden) from controversy, protecting relationships or beliefs, with a promise to the host that, “nothing bad will happen to ruin the big day.”
Toleration offered, as the ultimate gift, from a position of distance or refraining from offence does not breathe. What could possibly happen if crossed limbs unraveled and questions, from genuine curiosity, were submitted without guile.
- Why do you wear a headscarf?
- What is the difference between being an Arab and being Muslim?
- Why do some people think their race is better than another?
- Why would you want to be able to marry?
- Do you think children with same sex parents will be ok?
- Will you marry now that you have kids?
Like a three year old White kid who asks their first Black playmate if the “color rubs off?” when questions are asked with the intention of wanting to know ~ what occurs is the opposite of harm ~ closeness becomes possible. Inquiry, from non-judgment, is the bridge to somewhere.
November 24 the YWCA released a report that Gen Y wants this new President, administration and re-boot of American society to address discrimination due to race and religion. I would tell these surveyed young women that equality in the US begins with the Constitution. The ERA, pay equity and including everyone in the Constitution is the fundamental and lasting place to start. (I believe they did not list it because they do not know they are not included.)
And I want to tell them that I agree whole-heartedly that religion must be addressed. It is what currently separates us and informs all of the big “family values” issues. A few years ago my mentor, who was one of the founders of NOW, told me that originally NOW had a religion committee and chair. She contacted the president of NOW and told her about me. She was told that NOW will never have a religion committee ever again. I think they consider it divisive but, in reality, it is religion that builds walls and, in doing so, righteous believers have both the capability and the responsibility to disassemble them. The desire to understand is the most powerful wrecking ball.
Ah, back to the Thanksgiving table. Tolerance is not enough. It is postponing the judgment and offering insincerity. Those who built the walls are the ones to begin the demolition. The effective tool is guileless inquiry. Those who are walled out, walled in, who are holding their tongue and hiding their lives will melt in relief and reach back in gratitude. Lets all agree with His Holiness the Dalai Lama who says, “Kindness is my religion.”
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