When we arrived at the rotunda today, four women from the NOW office came over to us and said that they are officially assigned to guard us. Louise, Judy, Kathy and Vicki are dressed in green and white and seem happy with this new assignment. Part of me, the Catholic-raised, self- effacing, guilt-ridden woman, feels embarrassed with this amount of attention, all this fanfare. But in my heart I know this is right. Regardless of me being one of them, the seven women who are offering their lives for equal rights deserve this and so much more.
The fact is we need to consider safety and possibly needing guards. The crowds are growing and hostility is boiling up and spilling over. The entire atmosphere is thick with fear, hope, mockery, a wide buffet of emotions. With the passing of each day, we are becoming removed and less human to everyone. Some people stand just a few feet away and talk about us as if we have no ears, no feelings, no rights. They push and shove and don’t respect our space. They step on our feet and bang into us. Yesterday a man intentionally jammed his lit cigarette into my arm as he passed by. I am sad about that. And even the people who support us have lost perspective. They think we are superhuman which removes us from their immediate family. That seems sad too.
NOW’s gift of security and safety is a semi-circle of love standing around us in the rotunda: Louise, Judy, Kathy and Vicki. They keep everyone a few feet away. We can breath a bit, relax a tiny bit. We don’t have to be on alert, which is so exhausting. They let in the press. They let in friends. They are concerned and brilliantly efficient. It is how I remember being when I was eating. I remember being capable and organized. Now I just want to be quiet and insulated. I feel fragile and extra touchy. Do they know I am a leader? Do they know that I am smart? Do they know that I am well read and clever? I feel like a shell of a woman sitting silently in my chair, holding a glass that magically fills with water the instant I look away.
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