OnLine With Zoe

June 21, 1982 Day 35 ~ And Illinois Votes Tomorrow

Today the rotunda was like no other.  For weeks we had been stared at, trampled on, oogled over, pushed, shoved, and photographed.  Today there was only us.  The Capitol has been transformed from one huge political rally to a tomb.  I don’t see any Green & Whites.  All this time we felt safe and loved by people wearing green and white.  We have learned to be afraid of anyone in red and white.  Now we've been told that some anti's are going to dress in green and white.  I don't know who to trust now.  I only know that we are in danger.  The atmosphere in the Capitol has changed from chaos to razor sharp attention.  Phyllis Schlafly has called for bodyguards and suspicions are growing.

And so entering that huge cold marble dome giving praise to the patriarchy was particularly gruesome today.  There is simply no way to deny whose camp we are in,  sitting, fasting and hoping.  The only possible womanly thing in this Capitol is the statue in the center of the main floor dedicated to the Women of Illinois.  What the Women of Illinois really need is the ERA.  They need fair wages, full pensions, equal social security benefits and, moreover, legislators who vote in favor of humans -- not corporations.

Four folding chairs, three wheelchairs, a chain of body guards and us.  What a tremendous crash from all of the heightened activity.  And Illinois votes tomorrow

June 20, 1982 Day 34 ~ Distance from the Activists

Ellie is very upset about the article in yesterday’s State Journal Register.  The headline reads, “NOW President disavows Militant Grassroots Group.”  She never intended that to be inferred by pulling her people out of the rotunda.  She only wanted it to be really clear that if something did happen, it was not NOW. 

I think that there is a big possibility of something happening if only because everyone expects it.  Chances are good that someone may come along who wants to create an experience, get a bit of attention or just go berserk at the thought of men and women being equal.  Ellie removing the Green & Whites is just her own form of active resistance.  She removed her troops and prevented any confrontation. 

Since we are going to the rotunda under any and all conditions, Ellie has recommended that we hire a bona fide legal observer.  Monday we are going to have an official photographer with us to document everything.

This is getting complicated. 

All I want to do is sit and fast and wait. 

June 19, 1982 Day 33 ~ NOW Tells Us They Are Leaving Springfield

We started today with a meeting at 11 A.M.  Feelings are a bit tense but things will iron out.  We listened to a tape of Ellie Smeal’s press conference she gave yesterday.  She told the press about the growing danger in the State Capitol.  To reduce the danger, she and NOW have decided to remove all of their people.  They are going back to the precincts where the campaign began.  They want to apply pressure on the Governor and Speaker from the districts.  So the ERA campaign is now out of the gallery and onto the streets.  Ellie wants it to be clear to the press and to the people that NOW will not be partaking in anything illegal or threatening. 

As of today, NOW will leave the guard around us in the rotunda.  I hope she means that!  I would be terrified to be there without them.  Our band of eleven women is falling apart, to be sure.  Four of us are in wheelchairs and the rest of us are wandering around in a daze.  The keepers practically herd us to and from anywhere we have to go.  Once in our places, we can sit and look hungry; we just need some bright and trustworthy energy around us.

June 18, Day 32 ~ Failure Seems Eminent

Dear God,
Please help me.  Please help me figure out what I am supposed to do.  Please help me understand who I am in this. I am lost.  The ERA is lost.  I have lost it.

I tried.  I tried my very best.  Is it my fault?  I realize that I am only one woman and I never could have done it alone.  I know that I am not solely responsible, but has Woman failed?  Was it really not Her time? 

          In the avalanche of letters, dollars, lobbying, votes and intentions, sit seven women.  Why did we come here and what purpose have we served?  People parade by and throw their feelings at us.  We are like a Rodin in a gallery of living art.  There are no personalities here.  Who knows the heart or soul of an artist’s model?  Who knows the heart of the artist?  And in the end, does it matter?  Caravaggio was accused of murdering several people -- were his paintings less inspired, less inspiring?  Were our hearts not pure enough to turn the hearts of the opponents? 

June 17, Day 31 The Ending is Coming into Focus

In the rotunda today we were all harassed.  It is a low key, extremely intense and relentless irritation.  Two or three anti’s will stand near us and just stare.  They line up children and tell them that we are witches.  Bit by bit, they are closing in on us.  The NOW guard has noticed that it is getting harder to keep people at a safe distance.  People step on our feet and crush into us as they get on the elevator.  One thing that really seems weird is that Phyllis has asked for more security in the rotunda.  No one would hurt her. 

They want to defeat the ERA and malign us in the mix.  They want the women in the movement to look as bad as possible.  They want the pro-ERA people to appear responsible for the defeat.  We don’t have the energy to even think about such intrigue.  They must have a lot of free time.  They certainly have energy and focus. 

Some people are concerned about depression and misplaced anger.  Could there be suicides?  Could some women just shut the door and resign from life?  There are so many who have sacrificed everything for this.  Women have left home and asked their families to be patient.  Millions of hours on the phone, millions of flyers, millions of buttons and bumper stickers and hopes and dreams for equality.  Kitchens and dining room tables have been buzzing over this for such a long time.

We are just days away from this being over and what will happen?  What will happen to the structures that have been created to support this?  Combining the three years with the three month extension, this is the longest amendment campaign ever waged.  This is not a simple notion.  This is not a road tax bill.  This is a defining factor for millions of women and men who believe that laws set the standard for society.  While we all know that the passage of the Equal Rights Amendment would not mean true or instant equality, its failure would make the inequality unbearable.

June 15, Day 29 ~ Dear Gandhiji

Most Venerable Mohandas K. Gandhi,

 Are you here with me?  I love you more than anyone living or dead, so you must be here with me.  If your spirit answers all who call on your teachings for social change on behalf of liberation, then you are here. 

Many times I have imagined being alive at the same time as you.  I would have traveled to India to be near you, to work with you.  Better yet, maybe in my last life I was near you.  I was born eight months after you were killed.  I would have lived at the ashram and spun and walked and listened. 

In any event, Ahimsa lives in my heart.  Those ideals live above, below, around and within each of us, in the best parts of us.  I know you reached with courage, stillness and resolve, so they would be available to you.  It may be breaking my heart, but I can’t seem to connect with them here.

It is 1982 and I am a satyagrahi living in the United States.  My principles are that of Ahimsa and my subject is the liberation of women.  I am using my life to change the hearts of law makers.  I am refusing to participate in their unjust system.  I am making my choices visible.  I am offering my life to irresistibly demonstrate the truth so they will be unable to hold their position as it is without conscience, without truth, without love.  Here we are fighting a different battle in a different culture, at different time.  My issues are not your issues.  My concerns are not your concerns.  My goals are not your goals.  But I have deeply considered, deeply believed and deeply embraced non-cooperation, Satyagraha and Ahimsa.  

Excerpt from The Hungry Heart ~ A Woman's Fast for Justice

June 14, Day 28 ~ Time Mag Says It is Over

What will life be like if we don’t get it?  Everything I have done thus far in the Women’s Movement has been in preparation of success.  I have lectured and put up with countless insults.  I have stood toe to toe with the anti-feminists and opened my heart to them.  I endured their jokes, tolerated their blatant sexism and explained a thousand times what this amendment is about, but now I realize I did all of it believing in success.

How would I have behaved if I had known it would fail?  Would I have taken it in stride?  Would I have held my temper and tried so hard to explain why men and women are not meant to be in positions of master and servant.  Women are not confined to mothering and destined to fail if they leave the kitchen.  And if they believe that women are less intelligent, does that mean mothering doesn’t require intelligence?

 The story in today’s TIME magazine says that it is all over.  What will it feel like when I go home without the amendment?

June 13, Day 27 ~ The Queen of Hope

I am so fortunate to be able to live an open life.  No one can fire me or require me to be their projection.  Here in Springfield I am able to demonstrate my hopes and dreams.  I must never stop believing in this possibility.  I read that Helen Caldicott said that it would be better to go down on the side of right than to step away from the conflict.  We just have to believe in the intent, detach from the outcome and embrace the task that is directly in front of us.  Everyone of us must spend everything we have to make this dream come true.

 I am the Queen of hope.  There is nothing but hope.  There is hope because I can make my dream come true.  I can change right this very minute.  I can be peaceful.  I have equality in my life.  I cannot wait for laws.  I cannot wait for crowds.  I cannot wait for anything.  My awareness requires simultaneous action.  No committee, no House, no Senate, no vote.  I declare my personal Constitution does not need an amendment, it includes and is based on equality. 

 Maybe that is what I am learning here in Springfield, Illinois.  Maybe I am finding out that a law cannot be written until its essence unfolds within a human heart.  I had thought that legislators would draw in evolution and vote it into the social consciousness.  Now I am considering that evolution occurs within an individual’s heart.  Nothing more to wait for. 

 How I live will be my blueprint for the future. 

June 12, Day 26 ~ Open the Mail

To the Fasting Women,

      I just had to write and tell you my opinion of what you are doing.  First of all, it is just plain blackmail and I sure hope that our Senators and Representatives will not be swayed by that.        Secondly, I think it is a shame (and probably a waste of taxpayer’s money) that the doctors in Springfield have to spend their time trying to save your lives when you are absolutely doing this to your own bodies.  Thirdly, there just may be some points to ERA (but if you can’t get votes for it in the right way, why try to starve yourselves to death?). BUT women in the United States can have a good life.  I  know because I live here and I love it! 

      I also heard this morning that Vice-president Bush will not stop to see you.  I am glad that he doesn’t recognize you by making that effort.  You have the right to work for the ERA (that’s the good part about this country) but you are sure going about it in the wrong way! 

A “happy to be a woman” woman who doesn’t need ERA,

Mrs. George ******

Dear Sonia Johnson,
I have been telling my little friend Heather about the ERA.  She thinks it’s a good idea.  She is my best friend at school.  Thank you.
Love,
Heidi 
age 9, Third Grade

We support your cause.  Unequivocally. 
However we need you healthy, productive and with us. 
Please stop your fast.
Nurses at the Evanston Hospital
Evanston, Illinois

Dear Sonia and Her Seven Sisters,
I am a disabled woman who heard of you and your fight which is my fight too and I want to tell you I love you.  I send you strength and energy.  Soon, when you emerge victorious for all women, you may wish to come and have some rest and relaxation at the Beechtree, 21 acres of womyn’s land where I live.  I am a very good cook and would be honored to make dinner from vegetables that will be grown in our garden.  Your hunger feeds the hearts of many.
Love in sisterhood,
Coretta.

June 11, Day 25 ~ Where is Everybody?

The State Journal-Register ran a story, “ERA Fasters Go To The Movies.”  We saw E.T.  It was so clever, a new way to tell the Christ story; miracles and resurrection. 

The story in the Washington Post is really a whopper.  After spending a full two days with us, the reporter wrote that we have to be bathed by helpers.  People magazine sent a reporter here for a few days too.  I can’t wait to see what they are going to say.

 Maybe that is all we can do right now -- wait.  Let the press parade through, look and report back to the world on what we are doing.  What more could we do? 

Although I would not complain out loud, I am surprised that more people didn’t stay after last week’s rally.  Why isn’t the Capitol filled with women from all over the country demanding their rights?  What’s the big deal?  Pack a bag, kiss the family, take off for the State Capital of your choice. 

You don’t have to fast. 

Just show up.

excerpt from The Hungry Heart ~ A Woman's Fast for Justice