OnLine With Zoe

I am a sanctuary person, you are safe with me.

I have not talked about it much. It is not something I felt like amplifying. It would not help me or anyone. So from November 8 through last week, my light was flickering. I suppose I don’t like talking about things which have no whisper of a solution.

February 1st, I dragged myself to hear Rev. Dr. Barber. I have written about him, watched him, love him; never heard him in person.

Occasionally, the spirit just takes over, makes the healthy decision which is a clear demonstration that it is still in there. It is still oiled and ready to go. It may be asleep but not dead.  And so I got on the freeway and hoped.

Going in, I felt that there was nothing I could do about the changed direction of government, about the demolition of human rights, about the backlash.  I felt that at age 68, the equality, the equity, the balance I had invested everything in was vanishing.  It was an unmanageable loss.  It was so much larger than the loss of Sec. Clinton.  In fact it was a growing deadly virus that was unleashed and unpredictable.

You would think after all these years of meditation and study, that the fundamentals of Buddhist practice would have kept me afloat.  It is exactly that seeming failure that made recovery feel impossible.  I wanted to reassemble.  I wanted to get new lamps, fill them with new oil and begin anew as it seemed the old had disappeared, fallen to the trash heap, never to recover and serve again. 

And so it began.  He brought his axe and pick.  He dug in. 

As I told the Long Beach City Council, ~

Last week I had the immeasurable good fortune to hear Rev Dr. William Barber speak.
He was here from North Carolina to receive an honorary doctorate from Occidental College.
He is one of the founders of Moral Mondays, The Forward Together Movement and Repairers of the Breach.

He lives and breathes on the acute intersection of social justice and examined Christianity.
He told us many things that night.
He even got me to sing and clap.     He is irresistible. 

First he captured my mind with his deep understanding of how this moment in history predictably unfurled.
Then he nourished my soul with a call to care for the poor, disenfranchised and marginalized.

But most importantly, he lifted me from a spiritual dark despair by explaining that ~
This is not democrats vs GOP
This is not rich vs poor
This is not thugs vs righteous people

This is a crisis
This is a moral crisis
This is a moral crisis that has been born over centuries and lives in systemic racism, classism and sexism.

Today we are called to mind the light.
Today we are called to be the light.
This is the ultimate call to be a moral society, a moral people, beginning by being a moral person.

This is the moment when we demand morality from ourselves and let that morality pour forward as a beacon to light the way for others to find safety with us.  

Being a sanctuary city is the very least we can do.
To be a Sanctuary City does not just mean protection of those at risk.
To be a Sanctuary City is not just a public statement that we can proudly bear. 

To offer sanctuary to all who love freedom and liberty,
Opens our hearts,
Restores our souls,
It lifts our intentions and prayers above the law
And begins to repair our broken spirit. 

Let us be a sanctuary city.
Let us be a sanctuary to one another.
Let us be a sanctuary to ourselves.

To start, I am a sanctuary person, you are safe with me.

Buddhism is Always Couture

Just before waking today, I had a dream.  I was working in a room with two friends, most likely for a demonstration for Gender Rights.  One of them told me that I needed to be public about a recent decision. Gossip had begun, maybe just speculation. A woman had mentioned to them that all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I showed up at an One Billion Rising event wearing a Buddhist robe.  Interesting….   This has been on my waking mind all week.  I have been wanting to write about it.  Seemed like a strong nudge.   

When I got to my desk, I saw that two posts on my newsfeed were in agreement.   The first, Overcoming Resistance Against Theravada Bhikkhuni Ordination. It was about Buddha teaching the equality of women and how his male students overturned it once their founder died.  The second one, by The Yogini Project was about the Fourteenth Precept.  “"The fourteenth root downfall is to have contempt for women, who have the nature of wisdom. It is said that to have contempt for Vajrayogini and other wisdom dakinis who transcend the world constitutes a root downfall in both the Yogatantra and the Anuttaratantra.”   

The fact is there are communities of women in most religions who are filled with passion, a vocation, an irresistible call to teach, to celebrate ritual and minister communities.  There are Catholic women in the US and Europe not waiting for the Pope and his Cardinals to get the heavenly memo to ordain women. Maybe it is the right time for women to name themselves.  For me it has been an exhausting struggle for twenty-five years.  January 24, 1989, I was formally initiated as Buddhist monk.  It was in the Vajrayana Tradition in Tarrytown, New York.

From The Passionate Heart ~

On this night, Rama had given us two initiations; Vadra and Dharma.  The Vadra initiation was the initiation of power.  It gave the initiate the ability to defeat any opponent.  This included breaking through conditioning and past life tendencies.  It was extremely important for the women in particular, who are trying to overcome centuries of repression, degradation, bondage, torture, and misery.  Finally, this initiation conferred the power to break through the ultimate opponent, thought. 

The second initiation, Dharma, imparted the gift to teach about the Holy Dharma and meditation.  Rama said that we were not ready to formally teach, but now our lives should be examples of the Dharma.  Now, we carry the imprint of this initiation and our lives should reflect the Holy Dharma.  Rama told us that when he dies, it will be our duty to carry on the Teachings of the American Buddhist Society.  While he is alive, we should talk about meditation to anyone who genuinely asks.

After that, I stayed for 4 years. I was catapulted out the door to practice in the world.  Twenty-two years revealed that I am actually meant to practice Engaged Buddhism, I am not standing in a male lineage and I am a monk.  I had to practice, as Gandhi would put it, I had to experiment.  But nothing could deter me from my vocation.  Possibly more like my teacher than I want to admit, he left his and I left mine.  He named himself and I invested myself.  To me this is as Buddhist as it gets: true Self-Discovery.    

As women all over the world, announce their ordination, I hope they remain self-initiated, self-ordained, self-defined.  Even if the various churches drop their bans, I hope the women decline the “laying on of hands.” Decline the principle transmission and stop the antiquated, patriarchcal tradition of succession.  Somewhere in time from their founder to this moment, essence has been lost, modified and, at worst, tailored to meet the conscience of the day.  (“I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.”  Lillian Hellman)  And so after waiting twenty-five years, certain it is right, I made my move.  Buddhist Couture.  Match the inside and the outside.

From The Engaged Heart  

My best guess is that there are more women in the West whose souls are bringing them to their moment of initiation but are reluctant to stand in their self-discovery.  We are attracted to the design of our incarnation while being repelled by patriarchal lineage…  We do not want to be ordained in a male lineage and we do not want to emulate male lineage at all.  There is no one to “lay on hands” or assign a name.  There is no one to bless us and give us a traditional robe.  There is nothing to reference – certainly not by looking backwards over centuries of male legacy.  This is without tradition. This is not a line. 

We are at the precipice of adventure, pioneers in Western Women’s self-discovery.  Our calling comes from the inside out.  Our knowing rises up from the heart.  It radiates.  It circulates.  This is not linear but circular.  It is not bestowed.  It cannot be requested as there is no one to ask.  It is dynamic and changing and unpredictable for there is no precedent.  By its very nature, only you can know that you are called to this service.  No one can tell you if you are right or wrong.  It is all your design.  So if you are hearing a song from deep within, hum the melody, write the lyrics and sing.  Wait for no one.   

The Hip New Prayer ~ My God Really Likes Me.

I am interested in the Super Bowl this year for the same reasons I have always been interested in the Super Bowl; women. 

I imagine that a lot of men will miss the Tebow commercial all together as they will be peeing out a Coors or hitting their wife for not getting the next one fast enough.  You could read that sentence and think I am a man-hater and you would be so very wrong.  I am a hater of jacked-up violence, gang mentality, testosterone overdoses and entitlement.

If you have been following the story about the Tebow ad you know it is brought to you by Focus on the Family, a right-wing extremist christian fundamentalist evangelical group of people who really want you to think like them – ok behave as they say (not as they do).  Can we stop for a special 30 seconds and wonder where this 2.4 million came from?  Is it from seniors sending in 20% of their social security?  Someone paid for this ad – and I don’t think it is the rich men who live at the C Street House. 

Theoretically this ad celebrates the choice Mrs Tebow made.  Take a look at this.  Since 1930 abortion has been illegal in the Philippines.  The Catholic Church has made sure of that.  There is no exception, not the life of the mother, not the cause of the pregnancy, nothing.  In 2008, 1,000 women died from illegal abortions and ten times that suffered complications from attempting an abortion. 

While in the Philippines, doing missionary work, Mrs Tebow developed amoebic dysentery, went into a coma and took large doses of antibiotics.  Her doctors advised her to end her pregnancy.  She did not, had a boy and named him Tim.  The Super Bowl ad celebrates her fifth child, Heisman trophy winner Tim.  And of course we know what a fine young man he is because he puts bible verses on his face. 

Had Mrs Tebow been in the United States in 1987, when she was pregnant, she would have had all of her options explained to her – as is the law.  The United States Supreme Court had already ruled that a woman can inquire about all her options and can make an informed choice.  The choice is hers and, in fact, she can decide if she wants any input from a doctor, minister, family member.  In other words – SHE IS TRUSTED. 

If Pam Tebow had all of the options in front of her and chose to risk her life to see if the fetus would develop into a well baby surviving birth, that would be her choice and, being her choice, we could all celebrate that her gamble worked out.  However she had no options, she had no choices, she is the living example of what would happen if Roe was lost.  Her survival and that of her baby was not a choice.

But even all of that being debated on every TV channel, blogs and op-pages does not touch what is the most dangerous component at play here.  CBS turned down ads from ManCrunch, PETA and GoDaddy but are standing strong on this one from Focus on the Family.  This is another injection of evangelical values into everyday American culture.  The sign of the cross at the batter’s box, a kneeling vision to heaven as the ball crosses the finish line, kissing a St Christopher medal before the free-shot, a thank you at the award podium are the new hip prayer that says to everyone, I am a Christian and my god really likes me.

I hear another prayer; Please don’t hit me, please don’t rape me, please don’t hurt me.  Dear god, don’t let me bleed out, protect my children, don’t kill me because I am queer.  How do I feed my kids, find a job, pay the rent.  Today CNN covered the National Prayer Breakfast and instead of focusing on Clinton and Obama speaking strongly against the Ugandan Bill #18, calling for the execution of homosexuals and three years imprisonment for not turning anyone for being a homosexual, CNN played footage of Tim Tebow signing autographs and offering the final prayer. 

Dear God, send us a miracle that shows us that you don’t care who wins at sports, that you want humans to love one another and that one’s conscience is a private matter.

I Am An Aggravated Homosexual

Believe it or not these simple words, AGGRAVATED HOMOSEXUAL, may be enough to execute someone in Uganda.  A law calling for the death penalty is under consideration with the date galloping towards us.  There is some faint conversation about reducing the sentence to life in prison but every discussion ends with a firm commitment to seek the preferred penalty; execution. 

If you watch Rachel Maddow or are friends with me on Facebook, you know all about this proposed law.  I have been harping about it on Facebook for weeks.  To my surprise, people have been slow to boil on this.  Thankfully there are pieces in both the LA Times and NY Times today, but if you want news as it breaks you can read Box Turtle Bulletin or a blog by a Ugandan gay man who fears for his life. 

SOS Clinton spoke to this on December 14 and we have yet to hear from the President. 

On Sept. 25, 2009, David Bahati, member of the Ugandan Parliament, introduced the Anti-Homosexuality Bill 2009 for review and vote by parliament. The most controversial part of the bill calls for the death penalty for people convicted of "aggravated homosexuality."   Uganda Minister Martin Ssempa is calling for a nationwide demonstration in support of Uganda #18 on January 19, 2010. 

The why?  There is no answer, as it is madness.  Here are a few things that are being said.  They think that it is to protect the family.  The US preachers told them that homosexuals are intentionally colonizing Africa.  They have paraded a variety of people who claim that homosexuality is not only a preference but the manifestation of evil.  They offer prayer camp and, for women, they attempt to rape women out of being lesbian. 

This is not about HIV/AIDS.  This is not about a penalty for men who believe there is a cure in raping little girls.  This is an irrational frenzy, whipped up by US evangelicals and supported by madmen.  This is beyond Arthur Miller or William Peter Blatty.  This is real and it is SOON and we must resist the instant feeling to reject this because it is so out-rage-ous.  
     
Admittedly, I am baffled as to why I am so drawn to this injustice; there are so many happening world wide.  My commitment has always been to American social justice but there is something special going on here and I feel like a mother bear who senses danger looming in the distance. 

Another reason I am drawn is that Americans have inspired this genocide, many of them from Southern California and, of course, my personal favorite faux Christian, Rick Warren who just summoned up 2.4 million in three days from his OC congregation.  (I just can’t believe the residents of Lake Forest know where their money is going.)   African men and women are facing hell itself with the masquerade that  there is a queer agenda of destroying the “opposite sex” family unit.  Maybe the preachers, along with Carrie Prejean, could just not get enough traction on the subject here in the US. 

Magdalene, Feminist & Inspiration

From Two Pilgrims, the travel blog about my trip to Provence in Fall 2008.  Because of the news this week about the ERA/WEA, I missed Mary Magdalene's feast day, July 22. 

Though I have had an inexplicable and strong magnetic attachment to Mary Magdalene my entire life, after visiting Provence I am certain that it is not to validate, or even investigate her marriage to Jesus or authenticate their children’s bloodline.  Validating any “relationship” is not my primary or spiritual interest.  I do not care if Black Sarah of Saintes Maries de la Mer is her daughter, if thousands of devotees were murdered over the centuries to erase her legacy or if she was the “Apostle to the Apostles.” 

All of these inquiries, while historic, academic and intriguing, are merely architectural components to building a community, a theology and, ultimately, a church albeit an alternative church to the Vatican variety.  Even if it is matriarchal and establishes a bona fide bloodline to Joshua ben David, whom many believe to be exclusively divine; it still is not my pursuit or desired outcome.  Frankly put, even the titles of widow, wife, mother, aunt or “Apostle” are entirely relativistic and bear no possibility unless you are a widow, wife, or apostle to one who is established as, at the least, superior or, at most, divine.

In my journey to “re-step” Magdalene’s trail in France, it was the cave that spoke to me.  It was not her being discarded, de-famed or newly discovered that is my listing mast.  It is her practice; her 30 years in Ste Baume that is my oceanic interest.  In Provence, she was not sitting at the feet of a master or documenting the life of another.  She was not building a following for her deceased husband.  She was not building a building at all.  She was a mystic practicing self-discovery.   

Since myth making about Magdalene seems to be open for one and all,  I choose to make my own.   That is not to say that the unpeeling of Mary Magdalene serves no purpose or isn’t exciting.  I am suggesting that as it becomes more and more irrefutably clear, to the point of being obvious, that union is sacred, Jesus and Mary were partners and they had at least one child; people will become loosed to question papal succession, infallibility, and a celibate male-only priesthood. 

I believe, I will continue, I will press to dispense with all of that entirely.  A woman does not have to be the brave sacrificing partner, thinking only of her man to be worthy of reverence.  Furthermore, I would contend that the path unfolds even further ~ through the practice of meditation and self-discovery. 

To me, the interesting thing is that once consciously afoot on the path of self-discovery; there are no relative ideas or positions.  Each person is their own master.  Each person is without rank.  Each person sits under the tree, crosses a river or retreats to a cave.  Metaphor, myth or real is completely irrelevant.

The Biggest Pulpit in History for One Who Loves Diversity

Today I went to a knitting store in Orange County, my county.  I asked the clerk about a certain yarn, did it have to be doubled.  She showed me her splendid rainbow shoulder bag which looked tie-dyed like something from a Grateful Dead concert.  I jokingly asked if she was on acid at Woodstock when she made it.  She whispered, “some people ask me if I am gay.”  I said, “You should tell them yes, it could be fun.”  Lowering her voice even further, she said it would not be funny as it was a Christian store.  I relied, “It wouldn’t stop me.”

I live in the infamous OC.  Home of St James Anglican Church, which does not allows gays.  Home of Disneyland which offers insurance to gay families.  Home of the Angels, the Mighty Ducks, the Clippers.  Home of Loretta Sanchez and Dana Rohrabacher.  The epicenter of the NO ON 6 Campaign, temporary safe-haven for Anita Bryant, home of Rick Warren’s church in Lake Forest. 

There is no mistake about the world famous OC; it is mega conservative, fundamentalist Christian, republican with great beaches and world-class waves.  If you visit the website of Rick Warren’s church you will find teachings promoting the submission of the wife to the husband.  In addition to classifying gay people with pedophiles and practitioners of incest, he has been very vocal that women who have had abortions are no different than the Nazis and their uterus, he likened to Auschwitz. 

It is nice that Melissa Etheridge wants to have a détente with Pastor Rick.  She thinks that it is important that he meets some gay people who have families and family values.  I hope they have a prosperous exchange.  But here’s the point.  Why not pool your resources, gay and straight, Christian and compassionate and have a Summit of Understanding.  Why not hold a Parliament of Religion like the one in 1923 in Chicago.  Invite people of all faiths to promote understanding and demonstrate the ability to sit and talk and be civil(ized).  Invite some women who have had abortions, some doctors who have done abortions, some gay families, some gay ministers and, even, some of those super conservative Anglicans and super liberal Unitarians. 

That is where all of this should be going.  That is the organic coalition that would truly demonstrate CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN.  But you DON’T offer this renown bigot, outspoken hate-monger, homophobic, misogynistic man in the Western world, the biggest pulpit in history and say it is just a gesture of inclusion and goodwill.  We are not that stupid and, frankly, neither are you Mr. Obama.  You know this is an outrage. 

So here’s an idea ~ put together a team for the invocation; three or four people who actually represent and LOVE the diversity of America.  Please do not put forth the worst of us who needs to be educated, explained and apologized for; this man who can validate every family who judges and condemns their gay relatives.  Put forth a face, or set of faces which tell all the world who we are, who we hope to be, who inspires the change we can believe in.  

Tolerance is not Enough

Tomorrow there will be tables of people, eating together and priding themselves that they are tolerating others all afternoon.  Sitting cross-legged, folded arms and editing nouns for several hours so as not to incite anything.  Tight lipped, hiding (hidden) from controversy, protecting relationships or beliefs, with a promise to the host that, “nothing bad will happen to ruin the big day.”

Toleration offered, as the ultimate gift, from a position of distance or refraining from offence does not breathe.  What could possibly happen if crossed limbs unraveled and questions, from genuine curiosity, were submitted without guile.  

• Why do you wear a headscarf?
• What is the difference between being an Arab and being Muslim?
• Why do some people think their race is better than another?
• Why would you want to be able to marry?
• Do you think children with same sex parents will be ok?
• Will you marry now that you have kids?

Like a three year old White kid who asks their first Black playmate if the “color rubs off?”  when questions are asked with the intention of wanting to know ~ what occurs is the opposite of harm ~ closeness becomes possible.  Inquiry, from non-judgment, is the bridge to somewhere. 

November 24 the YWCA released a report that Gen Y wants this new President, administration and re-boot of American society to address discrimination due to race and religion.  I would tell these surveyed young women that equality in the US begins with the Constitution.  The ERA, pay equity and including everyone in the Constitution is the fundamental and lasting place to start.  (I believe they did not list it because they do not know they are not included.)

And I want to tell them that I agree whole-heartedly that religion must be addressed.  It is what currently separates us and informs all of the big “family values” issues.  A few years ago my mentor, who was one of the founders of NOW, told me that originally NOW had a religion committee and chair.  She contacted the president of NOW and told her about me.  She was told that NOW will never have a religion committee ever again.  I think they consider it divisive but, in reality, it is religion that builds walls and, in doing so, righteous believers have both the capability and the responsibility to disassemble them.  The desire to understand is the most powerful wrecking ball. 

Ah, back to the Thanksgiving table.  Tolerance is not enough.  It is postponing the judgment and offering insincerity.  Those who built the walls are the ones to begin the demolition.  The effective tool is guileless inquiry.  Those who are walled out, walled in, who are holding their tongue and hiding their lives will melt in relief and reach back in gratitude.  Lets all agree with His Holiness the Dalai Lama who says, “Kindness is my religion.” 

Dr Thurman blew my mind.

Did you ever go somewhere and leave so utterly surprised your mind is swimming?  How can I even get it down on paper and blog?  I know libraries are not usually the place for personal transformation but you got your fun and I got mine.

My close friend got tickets to hear Dr. Robert Thurman at the Newport Public Library.  His topic was "The Spirituality of True Capitalism (Generosity = Prosperity).  Just in case you don't know much about Robert Thurman ~ An international authority on world religions and spirituality, Asian history, philosophy and Tibetan Buddhism, Robert Thurman is an eloquent teacher of the relevance of Eastern knowledge and ideas to our daily lives. The first Westerner to be ordained a Tibetan Buddhist monk, he is a leading voice of reason, peace and compassion for these turbulent times.  In fact, I have all of his books and had a hard time deciding which one to bring to be signed.

His talk was smart, academic, funny and oddly specific.  As you can guess he was talking to some of the wealthiest people on his lecture circuit.  He explained that wealth brings with it a karmic duty.  The wealthy are called to a life of generosity.  A rich birth and incarnation is an invitation to care for the poor and giving it away responsibly sets in motion a new birth of prosperity. 

He explained that Buddhism is a system of knowledge and science.  Of course, he talked about the brilliant mind of His Holiness the Dalai Lama.  He told stories about the Buddha and his relationship with the merchant class.  He talked about Bill Gates, Melinda Gates and philanthropy.  And he was very forthcoming (in the middle of the OC!) about the country and the leadership being out of balance. 

Finally he accepted questions.  One man asked about his life as a monk in Tibet.  Thurman told us how his teacher knew he would not always be a monk. Eventually he left the monastery and re-entered the life of a layman.  He married, has 5 children and 5 grandchildren.  The next question was about his children.  Thurman shared stories about how they keep him humble and centered. 

And then a man in the front row asked him, "What do you think is the state of Enlightenment in the world?"  Dr. Thurman walked over to him and said it is not very good.  "You can see it in the fact that the ERA failed."  He continued, "The advancement of the country and the world depends on women."  He mentioned how interesting it is that the highest divorce rate in the US is among Christian Fundamentalists where "women are reaching up to break out of the patriarchy."  He went on to say that men will not lead the world forward; it will be women and the question is will women stand up and take it on.   

I must have been dreaming.